Thursday, June 4, 2009

And the hits just keep on comin'

Apparently my week isn't going to go according to plan. At all. Not that I had a plan...but this wasn't it.

Usually, if my routine is thrown off in any way, it has short-term side effects that lasts only for that day. However, if I (unconsciously) shave the lower half of one leg, and the upper half of the other leg, it seems the residual side effects are more of a...lingering problem.

**OK, so here is the cliffs notes version to get you up to speed with what I've been dealing with over the last ten days: Kelton starts coughing and soon sounds like Peter Brady if he smoked two packs a day. Kelton's nose turns into a snot faucet. Jordan gets cough and snot faucet feature installed. Jordan gets pink eye. I call the doctor, but the girl booking appointments says I can't bring him in due to him being highly contagious, so I can have an advice nurse call me. (I know, makes loads of sense...) Advice nurse calls, but doesn't think its pink eye. She calls back to say that my doctor wants an antibiotic called in "just in case." Lovely. We go thru that day and into next sans pink eye. Then around 3PM he says he can't see because everything is blurry. When I look at him, he has goop covering his eye and pouring out of his eye. Thanks. (Obviously he had the upgraded, dual spigot snot faucet installed...) Now I'm off to the pharmacy to pick up the antibiotic that I don't need because it isn't pink eye but it really is. Cough worsens for both boys, so we land ourselves in the doctor's office. Kelton shows zero signs of being sick (not one cough or anything). Jordan on the other hand tried to cough up his left lung for closer inspection. He gets diagnosed with Croup for the umpteenth time and gets to be 'roid boy for the night. Yay, all fixed and back to school for him so he can enjoy his last week of school.

Whew! Were you able to stay with me?! And that truly was the Readers Digest version, I promise!

Wednesday morning about 6am, Kelton comes into our room crying (or screaming as it sounds at that hour).

Kelton: My eye winked!!!!

Me: ...........

David: Huh?.......What?

Kelton: My. EYE. winked!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: (opens one eye to look at him)....................

Me and David: (still trying to process the situation)

David: It's okay sweetie, go back to bed.

Me: Wonderful. More pink eye.

His eye is almost swollen shut, and he has crusties. When I have ingested a little liquid caffeine, I'll call the doctor.

I call and get the same girl who said I'd need to talk to an advice nurse. Then I get the same advice nurse from last week to call me back. I explain the eye winking issue, and she says she'll call in another antibiotic. We get to discussing Jordan, and next thing I know, I have an appointment scheduled for Jordan for a re-check. I ask about the fact that Kelton now has pink eye and is highly contagious - - can I bring him with me? She tells me that the appointment booking staff like to tell people that they can't come in due to the "highly contagious" part, but in fact, 80% of the kids in the pediatrics office are sick with one thing or another that is contagious. Wow. Highly reassuring on a multitude of levels..............

I need to go to the bank, but decide not to go before heading to the school - I'll go later. I pick Jordan up from school and explain to him that he's going to the doctor for a recheck because of the wheezing sound he was making in the morning. At the doctor's office, she (the doctor) decides she wants a chest x-ray. Although his lungs sound clear, she wants the picture just to be sure. She writes out the referral to the Imaging Center and we are on our merry way. I decide that I'm so hungry that passing out is immanent if I don't get something to eat. So I head down the road to Jack in the Box and pull into the drive-thru lane. I order food for all three of us and pull forward. As I'm pulling forward, I reach into my purse for my wallet. Huh, can't find it blindly, so I pick up my purse to rummage thru it. Still can't find my wallet. Oh hooray for me, my wallet is sitting on the couch at home. Yes! Now I get to drive forward and tell the girl that I'm sorry, but I don't have my wallet so I don't have any way to pay for my food. She looks at me like I'm playing some version of dine & ditch (drive thru style). Right...because I was in need of a little comic relief, and what better way to satisfy it then to embarrass myself by ordering food I greatly need but have no money to pay for? Yeah, sounds like something I'd do (insert eye rolling and nostril flaring here.)

Well, now that that is over, I realize that without my wallet, I have no insurance card or ID card either. So I call the Imaging Center to find out if I need to have them when I come in, or do I need to go home (45 minutes away) and get my wallet and try this all over again. I'm told we can work around it and go ahead and come on in. When I get there, I'm told it is going to be about a 30-45 minute wait. Oh how exciting for me. I was ready to pass out in the drive thru, but now I get to suffer even longer. Oh yeah - I still have to pick up the antibiotics, but I can't do that either because I don't have a wallet.

Had I just gone to the bank before heading to the school, all this would have been avoided. But I didn't, so how do you fix a situation like this? Well, I don't know about you, but I called my husband and begged him to get on his motorcycle and meet me at the pharmacy...and bring my wallet!! Oh, and the promise of Chinese food too. (And in case you are wondering, I didn't really have to beg him. But I did suggest that he ride the bike in...which is such a torture....)

I hope that the shaving curse is over soon. I can't handle much more fun like what I've had. I just may end up making my own reservation if it keeps going like this.


  1. OH NO!!! I'm ROTFLing!!! I know from your point of view it probably isn't funny but I can so picture this as a TV sitcom!! But I do hope the boys are better soon. And you find out where your mind wandered off to. LOL!!!!

    Love you!!

  2. Anonymous1:17 AM

    OMG! Your account of the events is hilarious! However, I'm sure it wasn't very funny at the time. I sure hope the boys start to feel better soon. Big hugs to all of you!